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The Pros and Cons of Writing Your Own Vows

When thinking about writing your own vows for your upcoming wedding ceremony, consider all of the pros and cons before making the final decision. 

“…to love, to honor, and to cherish, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” 

These familiar phrases, or a close reproduction of them according to various faiths and religions, have been recited for centuries at traditional American wedding ceremonies.  

However, for the past several decades, an increasing number of couples have opted out of traditional vows and instead, have chosen to recite their own carefully worded expressions of commitment.  

If reciting your own vows is something you’ve dreamed of, first, make sure your fiancé is one hundred percent on board with the idea. Then, quickly get in touch with your wedding officiant.  

While nondenominational ceremonies are typically open to personal wedding vows, certain religious institutions are stricter than others in this regard, so make sure you have approval from your clergy before spending hours and hours jotting down your innermost feelings about your intended!

The Pros and Cons of Writing Your Own Vows

There’s no question -- writing your own wedding vows is a romantic notion, one that has been illustrated time and again in feature films. 

When couples do it on the big screen, the recitation of personal vows can elevate an otherwise ordinary wedding ceremony to tender new heights as the starry-eyed bride and groom poignantly express their deepest feelings about each other in front of a chapel-full of misty-eyed witnesses.  

Of course, even with the best intentions, it may be unrealistic to expect this dreamy scenario in real life. 

If you are each highly articulate, can easily convey your innermost thoughts and feelings, and you both enjoy public speaking, then writing your own vows will probably be a piece of cake. 

However, many of us have difficulty composing a coherent email, much less writing down a meaningful declaration of commitment. 

But the task doesn’t end there. You also need to be comfortable reciting your words in front of a large group of people.

The Pros

The pros include an intimate, often spiritual wedding ceremony that is tailored specifically to the two of you. 

You will add a lovely element of surprise for your guests.  

You will convey your love for each other in a way that will be unique and memorable for the rest of your lives. 

You will customize your wedding day, giving your guests a glimpse of your personalities individually, and as a newlywed couple.

The Cons

Among the cons, you and your groom-to-be may not have compatible views, disagreeing on the length of the vows, or even the tone (he wants funny, you want passion). 

Your fiancé is great at expressing himself on paper; you, not so much. 

Public speaking makes you queasy.


Check out our tips on how to write your own vows as well! That way you aren't super nervous when the day finally arrives. 

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Meet our Writer
Jennifer Geddes
Celebrations Writer

Jennifer Kelly Geddes has hosted Christmas cookie swaps, New Year's open houses, Thanksgiving for 22, and all manner of dinner parties in her Manhattan and Ghent, NY homes.

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