Funny 50th Birthday Toast

Tailor the toast to your guest of honor by swapping out the name "Bill" for your celebrant's name, changing the "he" to "she" if you are toasting a woman, and writing in personal achievements and anecdotes as suggested in the parentheses following the text.

Fifty: you think of that number in most capacities and it means "half." And it often feels that way -- half of one thing waiting for something else or even a portion of something left over.

However, this isn't true when it comes to age. Fifty years old is a milestone; a number to be contemplated, celebrated, and maybe even made fun of...just a little bit.

Bill is 50 today--just making sure everyone knows in case you missed it on the invitation, all over the room with the big "5-0" decorations everywhere, or in the event that he's lied to you about his age.

Count the candles on the cake, step back when we light them, and know where the fire exits are.

Bill's life is so full in so many ways that the half-hearted number 50 doesn't seem to apply to him.

So, we'll just say he's 1,000,000 and counting! Wrap your head around that one Bill -- makes 50 look like 5!

Bill is limitless. At work, he's a rising star, from the way he put together the Anderson deal and forged a great new business relationship for the company to how he always acknowledges the efforts of his co-workers.

(Note: Personalize this section with a work achievement or cite an accomplishment from an organization like the PTA or a charity.)

And, you couldn't find a more generous guy. His annual 4th of July barbecue has enough food to fill a football field and Bill is behind the grill during the whole party.

He's also generous with his time. It seems like he's on the soccer field with his kids as much as he's at work.

(Note: Personalize this section with specifics about one of your celebrant's best qualities.)

I'd have to say the same for Kathy (name of significant other). She's always there for Bill, the kids, her work with the school...it's what makes them work as a couple and a family.

(Note: Personalize this section with a brief mention of family and/or friends.)

There's only one way in which I feel that maybe Bill could be more generous, and this happens to be my birthday wish for you...well, actually for both of us.

I wish that you would let me win in poker, just once!

(Note: Personalize this section with a humorous recreational anecdote about a sport, such as golf or one's talent in the kitchen by saying, "I wish you would give me your recipe for Red Velvet Cake.")

Please raise your glasses to Bill. Here's to your millionth birthday, we'll call it 50.

May your life always be full of friends and family and may you continue to live without limits.

Cheers! You're one in a million my friend.